glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize