p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
false alarm, still single
Randomize