I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
