His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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