Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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