Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
