Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
