if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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