burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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