i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
