he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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