I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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