Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
