Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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