you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
