it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
