Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
