Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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