I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
