Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
