No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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