Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
