she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
