Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
