Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
