woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
