She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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