Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
