thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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