why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize