You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
