I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
