Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
