we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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