You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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