Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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