I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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