why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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