if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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