video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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