i can't believe i had my finger in that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
