Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
