I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
