Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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