I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
