He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
