um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
