omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Barsexuality is the new black.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We have started to decorate penises.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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