Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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