Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
