Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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