my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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