Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
