by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
