Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
