this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
