Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize