she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
