I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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