Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
