I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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