I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
