When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
