and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
