I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
