you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
