he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
