2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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