i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
