Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
