I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
