those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
