Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
