shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
