i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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